Why Fat | Why Fat People Should Have Their Own Special Restaurant

Ozersky says he’s not perplexing to provoke anyone, he’s been “varying degrees of fat” his whole life, and his objective is to only make the dining experience improved for overweight customers.

Current restaurants in the the public have all been written by “slim androgynes wearing Buddy Holly glasses,” Ozersky writes in the essay, that Zagat says is in essence his chronicle of Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal .

Here’s how he’d do it:

The grill would have overweight, kind servers who say lines such as “Do you wish a few more coffee, Hon?”

The seats would resemble La-Z-Boy recliners and the heat inside would be about 35 degrees, assisting keep the slim people out and “refrigerating” the rotund people to “help keep their bodies going.”

There would be no mirrors and only low lighting inside. And the bill would be paid by an EZ Pass similar to device so there would be no watchful after the food is used up and the patron longed for to leave.

The menu would include of considerable joints of meat, platters of boiled food such as cutlets and onion rings, grilled cheese, complicated stews, variations of hamburgers and multilayer cakes.

And because this should happen? Ozersky explains:

You might be thinking, aren’t all restaurants written for rotund people? They’re not, not really. For one thing, roughly all great restaurants are written by slim androgynes wear-ing Buddy Holly glasses…The servers are slim and winsome….The cooks themselves, who in happier times were the really images of round mirth, are right away tough whippets, the cords of their young muscles manifest underneath full-sleeve tattoos.